It’s Not A Neck Tattoo, It’s A Life Decision

Alternate titles for today’s post were as follows.

Neck Tattoos and Boyfriends
Please Don’t Flirt With Me (ft. I WILL Hurt You)

Dear the extremely creepy guys in the janky old car in drive through,
When you pull up to the drive through window and immediately lean forwards to stare at me, I see it. I know what you’re doing, and exactly where your eyes are lingering. (Here’s a hint, my face is up here. You know, with the eyes?)
Your cheekbone piercing is not attractive. You leering at me, looking me up and down before you hand me the money, or refusing to let go for just a split second too long, is not appreciated. Yelling at me as the window closes makes me want to ignore you.

When I open the window, before you grin, before asking if I have a boyfriend, I would like you to stop and think for just a moment, no matter how foreign this concept is to you.
I have been taking orders, making drinks, checking bags, paying out, and handing out food to customers like you for almost 2 hours now. As you speak to me, I have another order in my ear, and this person wants their order taken right exactly now and exactly right. I made at least four drinks while you stared at me, and have not stopped moving since I’ve been in your field of vision. And yet I have stopped all of my other tasks to focus on you. I hope you feel special.
Do I have a boyfriend, you ask?

The answer is no. But you don’t get to know that. If I answer you truthfully, you will take it as an invitation to press your advances on me. You will take it as a personal challenge to get me a boyfriend- probably you or your creepy friend. You will never leave my drive through, and I have times to make.
So yes. If you’re asking, I have a boyfriend.

I can see the frustration on your face.

“Are you just saying that?”

Now, isn’t that interesting. How many other girls have you interrogated?
How many have made the mistake of answering you truthfully?
Do you now expect women to lie to you as a default response?
I feel sorry for your previous interests. I wish you knew how to take ‘no’ for an answer.
Here’s your food! Have a great night, sir.

5 comments

  1. I’m trying to come up with a more eloquent way of saying this, but uh, that’s not really flirting.

    Oh, a perfect comparison. A small child watches TV and sees a man driving a car. He’s got a leather jacket, and slicked back hair, and maybe that neck tattoo featured in the alt title but not the article.

    So the young boy saves up his allowance money and buys a leather jacket that he can’t pull off, and industrial lubricant to dump on his head, gets behind the wheel of his father’s car and starts hitting random buttons and random pedals with absolutely zero comprehension of which pedal makes it go faster or which lever is the parking brake.

    He’s seen people on TV pressing pedals and pushing buttons, and he doesn’t understand WHY you press the brake or flip the windshield wipers, he blindly imitates and fails to understand why it doesn’t work.

    I would like to think that(at first) flirting-for-the-basis-of-a-relationship is the same as talking to a human being that you like in the platonic sense. If you don’t like the other person as a human being and they don’t like you, you should save both of your time and not date.

    I was about to write about how to flirt-for-the-purpose-of-casual-sex, but I just realized that I do about the same things, except I make slight innuendos and perhaps physical contact and if the person doesn’t seem appreciative I go away and stop bothering this person.

    Either way, the gentleman who inspired this post was not failing. He was flailing.

  2. Total spaz moment re the neck tattoos being left out of the post!
    I agree with your comment. I would also like to state how unnerved I was when I thought a little bit on it. I just would really like to know how far he expected to get??? Like if I do have a boyfriend, that is the only thing keeping me safe. If I confess that yes, I’m just saying that, where are we to go? Am I then fair game? I honestly doubt he would have just gone ‘Ah, I see, ha ha very amusing, goodnight!’….
    I just found his behavior very worrying and extremely saddening.

  3. Ehh, if I had to guess I’d say he’d do something like offer to get a hotel room for the night. And then leave in the morning and leave you with the bill. What’s the story with the neck tattoo? I guess he had one and it was terrible? Or just not something you appreciate?

  4. I just find neck tattoos- particularly on skinny white dudes with multiple facial piercings- a warning sign, in most cases. Neck tattoos are much like a tattoo placed anywhere else. Often in poor taste.

  5. I feel for you. As a fast food worker myself, I cannot stand these self-absorbed assholes. Props for being a decent person, Author.

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