Open Letters

Dear the sir that came through the drive-through just after we closed and turned all the lights off,

I have some very specific and violent feelings of, we’ll call it, gratitude, towards you, for sitting in my drive through for a solid ten minutes, during which time you made complicated requests, frequently changed your order, and sat in silence for a good period before finally deciding that you had ordered enough food.

Two of the items you ordered, if you recall, usually require nacho cheese in their construction. It is unfortunate, I must agree, that we had just run out of nacho cheese.
When we told you this, your most gracious of reactions was to tell us that you would ‘accept’ it with shredded cheese. How kind of you.
You then went on to order three more items that usually require nacho cheese.

Again, your tolerance for our shredded cheese is most appreciated.

It is because of you, good sir, that I got fried potato bites thrown at me in frustration. My night would not have been complete without this experience.

With (obviously) the most sincere and non-sarcastic gratitude,
Your drive-through worker.

Dear the sir that came through our drive through 51 minutes after we had closed,
I understand you had only the purest of motivations in telling us that indeed, we should have been open until two AM. I’m sure you were correct, and that all of our computers, the six employees there, and the past however many Thursdays this establishment has seen have all been incorrect. We are indeed, open until 2 AM.
How could we have been so foolish?

What’s that?
You wanted food? Well, I must apologize. Due to our oversight of closing an hour before we should have, all of our food has been put away or thrown out. It simply wouldn’t do to prepare a whole new batch of all the ingredients, now would it?

What’s that? You’re gone?

What a shame.

Sincerely, your drive-through worker, who is no longer in uniform, with aid from the other three workers who aren’t in uniform either, as well as all the lights in the building, which were off, with special mention going to the internet for listing our hours for anyone to see.

Dear the sirs that came through the drive-through 14 seconds before we closed,

You showed the fruits of your college education well tonight.
“You guys close at two, right?”
Alas, though you meant well, you were incorrect.
“Oh. Well, can we get the menu lights on?”

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